So the first question I gotta ask is, how jonesin’ have you been, in your live sets, to cover the Sex Pistols’ “EMI”?

Bianca: Ah…well, that’s your first question?  I thought it was gonna be about someone we banged or some  sexual thing.

 

I’m gonna work up to that.

B: OK

 

I can’t just start off with the sexual stuff.

Judy:  Well, OK.  Not in this band, but in our old band we would have.

 

You would have done it in a second.  So, you’ve really done a lot to just completely distance yourselves from your old band. 

B: Yes.  We’re trying to get away from the BT (Butt Trumpet) era and get to the BB (Betty Blowtorch) era.  The BT era though, for sure, was always considering covering “EMI” because…

 

Obvious reasons.  (F.Y.I. Bianca, Blare, and Sharon used to be in Butt Trumpet, which was signed to EMI Records.  Relations between BT and EMI soured fairly quickly.  However, BiteMe! loved Butt Trumpet.  In fact, Bianca was our very first interview.)

B: Exactly!

 

We don’t even NEED to go into that.

B: No we don’t need to go into that.

 

So, if you had to cover a song that would really explain the band’s mood now that things are going really well, and a whole new label that’s got extreme support for you, what song would be the one that you guys would cover?

J: We were talking about covering “Legs”…Oh no, no, no…there’s a lot of songs that we were talking about covering…so far, the label’s been good to us.

 

Just regarding your mood you’ve gotta think about in the pantheon of songs.   I think only EMI really has a song…though MCA has other songs written about them.  Nobody’s written “Fuck Columbia”.

B: We could write a Waffle House song.

 

J: Yeah!  Did you know the Waffle House has a whole collection of songs written about the Waffle House?

 

No.

J: OK.  See, now you’re not road worthy.  When you go out to the Waffle House you gotta check it out. The Waffle House has all these famous people writing songs about the Waffle House, like “8,577 Ways To Eat Your Burger at the Waffle House,” so it is our goal for the next record to be in the Waffle House jukebox.

 

B: Gimme those grits!

 

What labels…

J: Oh, fuck labels.  Waffle House!

 

I’m surprised that nobody’s ever actually done a theme about road restaurants.  Nobody has done that as a theme concept album.

B: We did a song in my other band, but we’re not gonna talk about that.

 

No, we’re not talking about other bands, and we’re not talking about concepts about…

J: Well, the future is Betty Blowtorch and Waffle House…

 

B: I’m getting a stomachache again and I’m eating shrimp.

 

J: Why are you eating shrimp?

 

B: I forgot.

 

J: I gotta smell this now…I gotta smell the shrimp.  It’s disgusting.

 

B: It’s instantly hurting my stomach.  I can’t believe I’m developing an allergy to shrimp, and I love shrimp.

 

Do you like just shrimp or all shellfish?

B: I love all shellfish.

 

J: Shellfish is nasty.

 

B: It’s been making me throw up.

 

Have you suggested shrimp at the Waffle House?

B: Oh yeah, that would be a deadly combo.  So bad.

 

J: I’ll have those eggs with cheese covered, smothered, diced, and stripped.

 

B: Oh man, I’d be spraying out of every orifice.  Oh god.

 

In some ways, though, that might be blind justice, if you could actually go and leave your mark in that way at the Waffle House.

J: Well, I’m sure that we have.  Trust us.

 

B: Oh man, yeah.  I’ve left marks on highways.

 

You’ve left marks on a highway?

B: Oh yeah.  From…

 

Just goin’ right there at mile marker 72?

B: From various restaurants.

 

Now, when you’re talking about kinda sexual questions, speaking of markers, here’s a question I have.  You know how you get Tom Jones, or somebody like that, and women are throwing panties up on stage...

J: Same with us.

 

I was assuming that you obviously get a lot of..

B: Bras.

 

J: We get bras.

 

Are men throwing up their boxers or briefs?

B: We got one pair of boxers.  On this tour we got one pair of boxers and four bras at one show.

 

At one show.  Now, my question is…

B: Let me clarify that.  Not the whole tour…one show.

 

J: Just one show.

 

My question is, that when you get them do you end up with some that have skid marks on ‘em?

B: I never examine ‘em that closely.

 

You don’t even keep ‘em?

J: We just put ‘em on…

 

B: Well, actually, they’re all in my road case right now.  I use them as padding.

 

J: Every time you open her road case underwear comes flying out.

 

But, I mean, look…if you’re gonna be using it for padding on your instruments shouldn’t you have checked for skid marks before using it for padding?

B: My roadie did.

 

Your roadie did?

B: Yeah.

 

This is one of the jobs for the roadie?

J: Checking underwear that gets thrown on stage for unnecessary items.

 

Have there been any other unnecessary items aside from the skid marks?

J: We wouldn’t know since the roadie checks before we actually touch them.

 

So, you’ve never actually even encountered…even asked the roadie, “Excuse me, can you…what was in..” ‘cuz I mean this would be a curiosity thing for me, as a rock star, to know exactly what kind of bodily fluids do end up on the underwear that is thrown on stage.  Not because I want them…but because I need the edification.

J: Well, we could save them next time and send them directly to you.

 

Really?

J: Yeah, and then you can check through ‘em.

 

B: You want panties with skid marks?

 

J: G-strings with narrow butts?

 

You know that they sell those in Japan, don’t you?

B: No.

 

Japan’s got vending machines with underwear in them.  Most of them have your basic stuff, like 16-year-old virgin panties or things like that, but they actually, for fetish people, have underwear with skid marks on them.

B: Really?

 

J: We can export the ones we gather on tour and make some dough.

 

B: I wanna go to Japan.  It’s very handy when you’re on tour to get some clean panties like that.

 

Well, they’re not clean.  The whole point of ‘em is that they’re not clean.

J: They’re all dirty?

 

Well, that’s the whole point.  They’re supposed to have been worn by somebody so you get some guy who’s got a fetish…

B: Oh, all of them are worn. Well, that certainly makes a difference to my…

 

Well, what about that?  Maybe have them on the merch stand.  I mean, do you think that maybe some of your audience would want them?

B: Well, I know there are guys that have asked me for my soiled panties.

 

They have?

B: Oh yeah.

 

Now, are they guys you’ve been intimate with or are they guys…

B: No.

 

Just random guys.

B: Yeah.

 

Is it actually a requirement on the checklist, too, that if the guy’s gonna ask you, you’re gonna say, “Excuse me, but no.  Get out of my room.”  Have you ever encountered somebody who had actually not even asked and then you wake up in the morning and you go look through your drawer and you find that you can’t find your favorite pair of underwear because the guy stole ‘em?

B:  A guy got socked ten fuckin’ times this past tour because he didn’t ask me if he could kiss me and he kissed me and he got socked TEN times.

 

J: Don’t touch the girls unless the girls wanna be touched.

 

Or the guy’s gonna get socked.

J: He was in shock.  He was all…

 

So, if a guy’s gonna get socked because he kisses you without permission - let this be a warning: Don’t steal from the underwear drawers of Betty Blowtorch.

J: That’s right.

 

B: Do not even go there.   I have boundaries.   I may be a slut, but I have boundaries.

 

What are your top three boundaries?   Obviously one is don’t ask for the panties.  What are boundaries number two and three?

B: Don’t touch me and kiss me if I don’t want you to.

 

Right.  Ask permission.

B: Yes, ‘cuz you’ll know if the green light goes.  You’ll know.  But don’t be coppin’ a feel.

 

That would be bad.  What about your boundaries?

J: Number one: Please don’t smell.

 

Which I’m assuming is a problem on the road.

J: At least not worse than we do after five days in the van.  Number two: Do not enter the space unless so invited.  And three: Don’t enter the space of mama unless so invited.

 

B: She’s my bodyguard.

 

Violation of the band mates will get you beaten down.

J: That’s right. No violating mama.

 

B: She protects me from the gropers.

 

J: From the gropers.  There are gropers. 

 

B: She’s a slugger.

 

J: I’m a slugger.

 

You’re a slugger?

B: She’s a slugger.

 

J: Watch out.

 

How many guys do you think…

J: I’m gonna get my ass kicked, man, like every night.

 

B: The last show in Vegas, she’s like, “Bianca, seriously, I think we’re gonna need bodyguards on the next tour.”  Isn’t that ridiculous?

 

J: It was just like, “Get away, buddy.  Let’s go.  Grrr.  Grrr.  Grrr.”  I was all, “Oh god, yeah.”

 

For part 2 of the interview click here

 

For more on the bad-ass bitches known as Betty Blowtorch visit www.bettyblowtorch.com